Bragging Rights?

I think I've mentioned before that I scrapbook first and foremost for myself and my family. After making a layout, I may submit it to a scrapbook publication for consideration. I've gotten published a handful of times, and I'll be honest... it feels great. But then what to do? Of course I share my excitement with my husband, my kids and my mom. Then I hit a wall. I think my closest scrapbook friends would be happy for me if I told them, but I have a hard time with that. It feels like a brag, and that's not how I want it to come across. So most of the time, I don't share my excitement.

How does one successfully share good news with others? And how much is too much? I mean, if it keeps happening, won't these people get tired of hearing about their friend's "wonderful accomplishments" time and time again? I asked myself this very question. Would I get tired of hearing about one of my friend's accomplishments? I can honestly say that no, it doesn't bother me at all. I love to hear of other's successes.

Why? Because I enjoy seeing my friends climb higher on their personal success ladder. I admire their hard work, drive, and motivation. I am all about people striving to be and do their personal best... including myself. Sometimes I fall short, but heck, this is life, and I'm not perfect. I just try to do better in the future. And when I do achieve or overcome something, I allow myself to be joyful and be a bit proud of what I was able to do.

I enjoy praising my friends, and I do not find myself wishing their success was my own. Maybe it's easy for me because I am not the jealous type. But maybe it's hard for me to share because I have been snubbed in the past by those that are.

So, share your thoughts with me...

- Do you share your accomplishments with others?
- If so, does it feel like you're bragging?
- Are your successes well received?
- Does it feel like a friend is bragging when he/she shares their accomplishments?

Sit... Good Dog!!

Three weeks into puppy training and here's where things stand:

Kyra knows how to sit and lay down on command (as long as nothing too exciting is going on around her). She understands "off!" and quickly places all paws on the ground. "Wait" and "Okay" is wishy-washy. Sometimes she responds with no problem, other times she jumps the gun.

Heel... this is a tough one. She's a puppy for crying out loud. When outside she wants to sniff and explore everything. The puppy books advise getting a head halter to train a pulling dog. This device is a collar that has an extra hoop that goes over the dogs nose. Here's how it works: if the dog pulls away from you, the contraption forces the dog's nose downward. The dog hates this, and will quit pulling and stay beside you so its nose is not put in an uncomfortable position.

The package says that it is "Amazing, Immediate, Gentle Control", and "Painless, Humane, Never Chokes" and finally it "Stops Pulling, Lunging, and Other Misbehaviors". It also came with a DVD training video.

Here's what the video shows:
If the dog pouts when you put it on, ignore that negative behavior. The dog will soon get used to it... usually within 10 minutes.

Here's what my dog does:
Pouts the entire time it is on her. She dives her nose to the floor or ground, rolls on her back and constantly paws at it.

The video also shows:
Dogs that happily follow their leader once used to it.

My dog:
Hates every second of it and continues above stated behavior. She also becomes extremely submissive (she is generally very easy-going anyway, but this is ridiculous).

It does prevent pulling while out for a walk, but it's not a fun walk for her. I don't know what to do.

I have an appointment later this week with a dog trainer. I will be getting advice on effective training and I will make sure I ask her opinion of this thing. I want Kyra to learn to follow commands and be a great family companion. But I don't want her to be miserable during the training process.

Jen's Question

Jen asked: If you could sit down with one person from your past and have a heart to heart with, who would it be and why?

Disclaimer: I appreciate Jen's question because this is something I think about often. I will warn you that this is long... and it probably appears that I am rambling. It is raw emotion on my part. Ready? Okay... here you go!

I've been fortunate that I have not lost many loved ones. All of my grandparents passed away when I was pretty young except for my Pap. He died when I was maybe about 10, but I wasn't close to him due to distance and lack of visits.

I did have a friend named Heidi who passed away when I was 17. We lived in the same neighborhood from our births until I was about 6 years old. When we moved, Heidi and I still saw each other through the years because our moms had stayed close. By the time we were in high school though, we were worlds apart. It's not like we ever had a falling out or anything, we just grew apart. She lived two towns over, had her own activities, and I had mine. Even though we hadn't seen each other in quite a while (I believe it might have been at my "Sweet Sixteen" birthday party), her unexpected and untimely death was a huge blow to me. I grieved for many, many months. But I didn't feel like we had unfinished business or anything. It made me question my faith more than anything else. After I worked through the grief, and regained my faith, I felt okay about Heidi and our friendship.

But here I am... a 30-something who frequently wonders about a different childhood friend. Her name is Carmen Z. We met when her family moved into the home right next to ours. I knew her when I was about 13 - 15 years old. She was younger than I and she had an older sister who was more my age, but Carmen and I just clicked. She also had a younger brother. She lived with her siblings and her alcoholic father. Her mother was there at times as well, but because of the family dynamics, she would often reside with her relatives. (I am only speculating here, but I suspect spousal abuse was an often occurrence in that home.)

Anyway, Carmen and I were as close as could be. I didn't care that Carmen often wore clothes that were too small or that her hair was obviously cut by an unskilled relative. It didn't matter that she didn't have money to go places with me (because her father spent it all at the bar on a daily basis).

We were as happy as could be just walking around the neighborhood talking. We'd spend hours in my room listening to the radio and making projects. We'd laugh at the stupidest and craziest of things. We'd talk about boys some, but because I was a "late bloomer" and she was younger, we could have fun just doing silly tween-like things.

Despite her difficult home life, she had such a sweet disposition. I always admired her ability to smile through it all. I can only recall a few times when she appeared sad or upset.

The first was when her father had given her about $8.00 to walk to the corner gas station/grocery store to buy something for dinner that night that would feed their family of five. I got permission from my mom and went with her. We picked out a package of hot dogs, buns, chips and a 6-pack of Coke. Upon walking back home, the package of Coke broke and cans went everywhere. One of the cans had exploded, the rest were dented, yet intact. As we were picking up the cans to carry home, she started sobbing. "My dad's gonna kill me," she said. I tried to comfort and reassure her, but she was sure that she was doomed. She cried and sniffled from that point on. I could see how overwhelmed and upset she was. I didn't know what to do.

When we got close to her home, I decided that I would go inside with her. Maybe that helped, maybe it didn't, but her father actually grinned in a drunken stupor way when we told him what happened. Carmen was so relieved that she didn't get in trouble.

The only other time I saw her upset is when my mom offered to take me to the swimming pool and said I could invite Carmen to go along. I went over to her house and asked her to come along. Her father wasn't home (guess where he was) and she said she couldn't go until she had permission. Now, I knew full well that her father wouldn't give a darn if she were around or not. I asked her older sister if she could give Carmen permission and then she could tell their father where she was when (if?) he got home. It wasn't happening.

I told my mom that we'd have to wait until her father got home. Mom said she'd give it an hour, and if he wasn't home yet, we'd just have to go without her. So Carmen and I waited and waited. The time was approaching that I'd have to go. When there was only about 10 minutes left, she broke down. "I never get to do anything fun because of him!" she said bitterly. Again, I didn't know how to make it better. I didn't want to abandon my friend, and I didn't want to disappoint my mom. I didn't know what to do. Time was up... mom said it was time to go. As my mom and I were getting in the car, guess who was coming down the street? A miracle had happened!! Carmen quickly asked her father if she could go with us, and he mumbled something that sounded like, "Huh? OhUmShurrrre".

Over time her family moved, and to see Carmen, I had to take the bus or walk over a mile to her house. They didn't have a phone in their home, so whenever she had a quarter, she'd go to a pay phone to call me. Then, my family moved to another town, and we just lost contact.

I heard that the state had gotten involved and took the children away. I have no idea where Carmen and her siblings ended up. Where they together? Separated? Still in this state? I had no way of finding out.

It's been about 18 years since I've seen or heard from Carmen. I miss her terribly and often wonder how and where she is. Every couple of months I do some internet searches to try to locate her or one of her siblings. It would be much easier if I had more information to search with. I don't give up hope that somehow, someway, we will reconnect.

So Jen, that is the person from my past that I'd like to sit down and have a heart to heart with. I would love to thank her for the friendship we shared so long ago. Even though she had to deal with so much more than I, she reached out and helped me. If it weren't for Carmen, I would have been lost during that time.

Patty's Question

After she answered my question, Patty wrote:
"That's it Michelle - nothing mind blowing - just pretty basic stuff. So....I'll give it back to YOU!! What are YOUR goals for the next 5 years??"

Okay, wow... here goes nothing:

Personally:
To continue to raise my children to the best of my ability. Tending to their basic needs, nurturing their personal growth, and teaching them respect and kindness.

To love my husband unconditionally and continue to make our marriage stronger.

To continue to allow myself to have "me time" so that I can know and be comfortable with myself.

Professionally:
To establish a working position that I can do from home. Based on my strengths and ambition, this would have to be something in the graphic design field and/or be scrapbooking related.

To continue submitting my scrapbook layouts to various publications for consideration.

That is about it... my overall goal is to stay centered and happy, keep it all in balance, and stay real!

Lisa's Question

Lisa's question to me is: If you had the time to volunteer with one group or organization, who would it be?

I think that the majority of people choose organizations to support based on what has happened to them in their own lives. If someone has been affected by cancer (either personally or as a family member), I believe that they are more likely to support cancer research than say environmental issues.

Because of my above stated reason, it should be no surprise to those that are familiar with my family situation to understand the cause I would most likely support. It would be something related to autism and learning disabilities.

After pondering Lisa's question yesterday, I decided that my answer would be to volunteer at a local camp that my own 12 year old son attended this past summer. Our goal for my oldest son was to socialize him as much as possible during the summer. He went to this wonderful camp that is entirely about catering to those with learning and physical disabilities.

After he came home from camp, we noticed that he was happier. It appeared that the camp had done him some good in the self-esteem department. This was wonderful!! That was exactly what we had hoped for.

The effects of the camp have been long lasting. He'd had a very rough experience last school year and we were nervous for him at the start of this school year. Just the other day I was talking to one of his teachers on the phone. She remarked how much more confident and happy that he looks this year.

I credit this improvement in part to the special needs camp he attended. After seeing the positive results first-hand, this would be the group I would choose to volunteer at.

Inquiring Minds Wanna Know

I have a question for some of my blog friends. I'd like for all of you to use your Q&A as an entry on your own blog. Be as elaborate as you want. In return, you may ask me your burning question, and I will reply via a blog entry. Sound good? Okay, here we go!

Joy: When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Becky: What is your most meaningful personal accomplishment?

Patty: What goals do you wish to achieve in the next five years?

Jen J: What traits do you find most appealing in people?

Lisa: Your ultimate dream vacation - where would you go and what would you do?

A Little Obsessed

Okay people, I am going nuts. It is season premier time. We may need to buy a third TiVo unit to support my desire to catch every interesting-looking show that's about to start. I am kidding of course... kinda.

Here's a rundown of what appeals to me.

Old standbys:
E.R.
Survivor
CSI
Apprentice
Amazing Race
NCIS
Cold Case
Without a Trace

Newer shows I enjoy:
House
Desperate housewives
Grey's Anatomy
Numb3rs

Brand new shows:
Reunion
Prison Break
Close To Home
Criminal Minds
Ghost Whisperer (maybe)

I know, I know!!! It's absolutely insane. When did I get so addicted to primetime television? I believe it started a few years ago. I think it's a mind-numbing way of rewarding myself for getting through another day.

So, there yeah have it. I love medical and crime shows, a good drama or two, and a few reality shows. Am I alone in my obsession?

Sweetness

Favorite thing I've heard this week:

"Oh, a wish and a flower!"

This was said by my 4 year old daughter as she saw a dandelion and a "white fluff" (dying dandelion) next to it.

The Circle Of Life

One month ago we had to put our dog down due to pain and old age. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. But we also knew it was the right thing to do. We adopted Morgan when she was 8 months old. She would have been 13 years old this October. She had given us 12 wonderful years.

The first few weeks after her passing was very difficult and painful. For me it went beyond my own grief... watching each of my children's pain was almost unbearable. After talking with all of them, they all agreed that it was the right thing to do, but for kids, well, they tend to focus on the ending rather than all the previous years.

When we talk about Morgan, sometimes we tear up, and I do allow everyone to grieve in their own way. However, I tend to try to recall happy memories that we shared with her rather then dwell on how she is not with us anymore. More often than not, I believe we all feel better at the end of our conversations.

My oldest son, age 12, took the loss extremely hard. He grew up with Morgan from his babyhood. He openly grieved and cried quite a bit. For the most part, my middle son, age 7, tried to be tough about it. I knew he was hurting, but he really wouldn't open up. However, his defenses were down a few times due to exhaustion, and that's when I would see the tears and hear the pain in his voice. Our youngest child, age 4, had just a few brief teary episodes, but overall has been positive about it. She focuses on the fact that Morgan now has wings and is up in heaven. (We flew on an airplane not long after Morgan's passing, and when she looked out the window and saw that we were above the clouds, she was extremely happy that we were near our dog even though we couldn't see her).

About a week ago, my middle son crawled up into my lap and had a meltdown. He was feeling guilty that he hadn't cried much about Morgan's passing. I explained to him that everyone grieves differently and that it's okay to cry a lot, a little, or even not at all. We talked for a while, and I even went as far as asking him if he would maybe want to get another dog someday. He wanted me to bring Morgan back. I told him that I couldn't do that, but maybe someday we would all feel ready to welcome a new pet into our lives. He didn't confirm or deny.

This past weekend, I visited a website of a local animal shelter. While looking at the available dogs, I called my husband over. He asked "Are you ready for a new dog?" I told him that I could go either way. He expressed the same feelings. I told him that it would be up to the children. I was pretty sure that our oldest and youngest kids would be fine with it, but I was worried about the middle. We needed to talk to him first.

We brought him into our bedroom and began to talk. We talked about a lot of things... Morgan, dogs in general, differences in old dogs vs. puppies, etc. We got around to gently asking him about the possibility of getting a new dog. He broke into a huge smile and was immediately receptive. Then we approached the other children and asked their opinions. They were equally as excited.

So, off to the shelter we went. We all fell in love with a beautiful 10 week old lab/border collie mix and decided to fill out an application for her. We are awaiting word that our application has been approved (the updated website now says "Adoption Pending" under her picture!) We are expecting to be able to bring her home either tomorrow or Wednesday.

Yesterday we went to our local pet store and spent $150.00 on dog essentials... collars, leashes, bowls, chew toys, a crate, and a book called "Puppies for Dummies". I've never truly trained a little puppy before (remember, Morgan was already 8 months old when we got her... almost an adult). I have been reading this book for many hours now, and while I am relieved to gain the knowledge I need, I must admit that I am getting quite nervous. I don't want to do this wrong!

Hopefully with this book, patience and love, and maybe some puppy lessons, we will get through this with our sanity in check.

I'm just glad that we have time to housebreak her before the snow starts falling!